A month of birthdays

Starting with Peter, we've enjoyed a month of celebrating birthdays.  I was still in San Diego the day he turned 9 and miles away he reported to me, "it was fun and a little bit boring". To make up for a boring birthday he got to order this ski jump for the Haba marble run and also gathered with a few cousins for cake at Nanny and Poppy's house.  I may have missed the magic of his special day but it has allowed me to appreciate the everyday with him all the more, each time we have a joyful moment together I say "I forgot! it is your unbirthday today - Happy Unbirthday Peter"! 

George's birthday was up next.  This little cutie is now three and endured a whole morning of Henry crying because he still had more than a hundred days until it was his turn to open presents and blow out candles.

Maryanna and Peter each made him a little snowman sculpture because his favorite song is Once there was a Snowman and William helped sew and decorate this stuffed robot because his favorite bedtime stories always involve a robot.

 George is a jolly little guy, smiles and hugs come naturally for him.  I also love that he is at an age that he can now articulate what he really thinks, most the time it makes us all laugh, but he does not appreciate that and quickly shouts back "Stop laughing at me"! 

Two week after George's birthday Charlie turned from a baby to a 1 year old. This marks the end of a very challenging year for me, it seems I am just now finding my feet and I am just now getting enough sleep to really appreciate him.  Among all the children he and James share first place for fussiest baby.  Yes, Charles had me feeling like a first time mom all over again.  So with his birthday came much reflection, it was kind of like waking up from a foggy dream.

He is really starting to grow into himself, literally, he stuffs more food into his face than I can believe and it is a joy to feel his legs and tummy start to chunk out.

I experienced a small miracle the day before his birthday.  Paul was working on taxes and asked for the stack of vital records for our family.  We could not find Charlie's birth certificate so I called the county and it turned out there was no record of his birth.  Not sure what happened to it, I remember filling out the pink sheet required for filing it but since this was my first home birth I may have dropped the ball on actually mailing it out.  I was a little panicked about the situation, I was informed that we only had one year to get it filed before having to make an appeal to the State.  When I told the secretary at the county clerks office that he was turning 1 the very next day she hesitated then replied "bring it in in person before 2 pm today".

So in addition to an official birth certificate Charlie got a pair of walking shoes and his very own hand drum.  He's been banging on Paul's since Christmas so now they can drum together.

   

It seems just over night he joined in with the younger boys, they have their own little club of babbling and giggling that I can't always understand, it makes perfect sense to them and most of the time they enjoy playing together.

This is a very special little guy, he has much to teach me and I relish this time where he is still small enough to carry on my hip and sink kisses into his neck.

Finally came my birthday.  I turned a number that seems older than I should already be, I'm not averse to gaining years, I just wish my maturity could match it.  I woke up wondering why so often I still feel and act like an awkward teenager, I cried and asked myself, "when am I ever going to feel like a grown up"?

I was feeling cranky all morning until the kids presented their cards, then I finally melted into the joy celebrating a birthday.  William's especially touched me, he drew a picture of us watching the stars as we often do on the evenings we milk together.  

Though there were no planned parties, and our normal birthday traditions did not happen, these were good happy days to each be appreciated by the ones we love.

Up on our walls

Where so much of my fall and summer focus was spent out doors, winter has given me the chance to really "move in".  And having moved so many times in the last 15 years I have not been quick to hang pictures, in fact, most of the pictures I have put up have been in bubble wrap since we lived in Charlotte 8 years ago.  I share them here because I feel it is important to create spaces that invoke feeling, especially ones that remind us to bask in the richness of life.

This first piece is a needle point that Paul's mom completed in 1983.  She presented it to us a few months ago and said, "I feel like I made this for your home".  I feel the same way, it is as if it has always been up there, and when I see it I am amazed by her many skills and talents, and more importantly the continual love and care she offers.  

Paul's mom also created this Sesame Street Scene.  It was completed in 1980 for Paul as a child and then given back to him again shortly after James was born.  This is actually the one piece that has always been up on our walls, it has always shared the happy space where our littlest ones sleep.

These next two pieces were completed by Paul and I in 1984, we were in the same class that year and it is funny how both our mothers unwrapped them this past summer while cleaning out boxes in their basements.  They now hang together in our kitchen and I wonder of the blessing that our lives came together as well.  Can you guess who made which one?

Also new to our walls is this shirt I picked up from and an antique market in China.  While living there in 1997 I took a short break from teaching English in Guangzhou and backpacked with a few girl friends up to a remote rice terraced village in the mountains, the experience was surreal. The individuals who fed us and met with us all wore this specific dress as part of their ethnic tradition.  I cannot remember the name of the tribe or even the village or Provence we were in, but when I see this piece of clothing up on my wall I think of the adventures that were had, and more importantly, the connection I feel to a people so far away, both in distance and culture.

This next piece my mom found while we were cleaning out boxes in the barn.  Another needlework, she brought this one home from a trip to Switzerland many years ago.  I love the vibrant blue velvet background and that the wild flower bouquet reminds me of my Swiss heritage.

Sometimes it is hard to know how to fill a giant blank wall.  The presentation below was created on a very rainy day last fall when the kids were not use to spending the bulk of the day in doors.  

The original plan was to start a unit on the human body and paste cut outs of all the organs on top of our traced figures.  As I was proceeding with that idea however, someone called out, "wait, what about our spirit body? we first have to put down our spirits".  So I pulled out the watercolors and we each painted how our spirit was feeling on that day.  The lesson we came away with was that not one of them was the same, that we each are truly unique.  These figures turned out so happy that we had to have them up on the wall, we've enjoyed them for more than one season and only very recently taken down because the heat and dust from the wood stove weakened the tape. 

In its place we've created a large alphabet canvas.  It was made much like the kitchen verse from last year except instead of painted text we glued down letters cut from tissue paper.  

As much as I loved the colorful water colored figures up on the wall, this alphabet project was created with a very clear intention.  A few of the younger children who would like to write are struggling to do so, so, before anything else was layered upon this canvas I declared our intention in pencil and across its surface:  "for the joy, power and freedom of forming one's own thoughts into words".

That's it for now, I'll never be a fine art collector but I'm already dreaming up creative ways to display more useful information for our little homeschool here.  Because if it's going to be put up on the wall and something we have to look at everyday, it might as well enliven the spirit as well.

Ice Cold January

The coldest week of the year coincided with the week Paul was away in a much warmer location.  I am grateful that living on a farm has made my boys hardy and helpful, I'm not there yet, only when I have to be, and that is when Paul is away.

It was around 6 degrees when we went out for morning chores.  One of the cows (or children) may have tripped on the cord to the water heater the evening before because every source of water was rock solid.  We spent some time chipping away at it with a hoe and pitch fork and discovered the hoses hanging high on a beam in the barn were also frozen beyond use.  Those were dragged inside and into the bathtub to thaw while William and I watered the animals the old fashion way, bucket by bucket.  The labor of it warmed us but every splash turned to an instant layer on ice on our boots and coveralls.

I called a couple of helpful neighbors and in an instant we had a mini neighborhood gathering as we figured out the problem and got the cows and sheep the water they needed. I am so grateful for the wonderful community in which we landed, I have never before experienced such goodness in people.    

Meanwhile Paul was asleep on Pacific time and woke up to many missed calls from me.  He was initially defensive, then turned to sympathy and finally melted into laughter and admitted how he would much rather be freezing by my side then participating in a boring business conference.  He immediately booked an earlier flight and as soon as our feet and boots thawed William and I headed over to Tractor Supply to pick up what was needed.

When it is that cold I only go out when I have to.  But not the kids, the site of snow calls to them like an empty playground.  This week we've gone through many cycles of bundling up, cracking the door just enough to let them anxiously squeeze through without letting in too much cold air and then finding them back at the door just 15 minutes later, faces red with cold and crying.  I know the routine, it takes about that long to make hot chocolate for 8 so it is ready and an instant remedy.

                        

The favorite spot is in front of the fire place and it is amazing how many chilled bodies it allows.   Everyone is outfitted in wool long underwear, I've suggested hats in the house and we've also fired up the old furnace, so we are warm and well.  

Our thoughtful babysitter Peggy brought over an indoor castle to color and climb in, this is keeping the youngest ones entertained while we wait for the temperature to climb to a more comfortable freezing.

          

Sunny San Diego

I just returned from another trip across the country.  With only a days notice it was arranged for me and Charlie to head out to San Diego to help my dear friend Krissy move.  It felt good to see the sun and shed the wool long underwear but more than anything it felt like old college days hanging out with Krissy.  We laughed harder than we have in years, stayed up way too late talking, shed some tears, broke out in wild dance moves and treated ourselves to fancy herbal teas and chocolates.

Aside from a quick brush with the stomach flu this trip was enlivening, it awoke portions of me that have been lost somewhere between college, moving all around the country and settling on a farm with 8 children.  I kicked my feet in the freezing water and rolled in the sand, I made a sand angel and almost got completely caught by the tide.  I filled my pockets with the shiniest of shells while Krissy laughed and stayed bundled and dry with little Charles.

This trip was just as good for Charles, he tagged along on the many tasks and errands and to keep him happy I simply fed him.  He was also fed lots of hugs and attention from Krissy's daughters and came home with a double chin and feet almost too chubby for his furry boots.  

Krissy and I worked hard but I did not leave the least bit depleted.  Whatever I offered was doubly returned, yes my moving muscles were a little sore but I came home stronger and more filled than when I left.  I am so grateful for the experience, it was rich with good times.  

I once again returned to the great possibility of women coming together and working collectively with purpose in a way that ignites joy for both the giver and receiver.  This honestly has not always been my experience in the many organizations that I have served, or even with my family.  I'm still pondering what shifts are needed within myself to allow it. I am also wondering what shifts are needed among the consciousness of women, what is preventing us from truly uniting in joy. 

     

Maryanna ran out of the car and right into my arms as I waited curbside at the airport in freezing Detroit, I squeezed her tight and felt a knot in her hair the size of a bagel.  I felt the warmth of her joy in our reunion and also the need for my presence in her life. Yes she needed a good brushing but more than anything I realize my children need a mother who is fully alive, who takes care of herself and more able to serve them in joy.  

So my take away from this trip and what is moving me into this new year is to lighten up, open more space for laughter and presence, let go of self sacrifice, allow more help from others and participate more fully in the joy and gratitude of giving and receiving.      

Holiday Highs and Lows

This Christmas will not soon be forgotten, it has been packed with both good times and challenges.  To begin with, Paul and I got to slip away to Salt Lake City with baby Charles for a quick visit with friends and family.  The rest of the kids were left in the care of my sister Mary and Nanny and Poppy with the older boys in charge of all the animals duties.  I am grateful to all who allowed this trip to happen.

I had big plans to sleep in every day in the warmth of my parents home but something funny happened, with no work to do, I had an excess of energy and found myself unable to sleep.  I simply enjoyed the company of my parents and got spoiled with their attention. I presented my mom with her Christmas present, it was a pillow I made from some needle work my grandma did many years ago.  We found the piece in a box in the barn last summer and I asked my mom if I could keep it, she agreed without a clue of what my plans were for it.

For my dad I hand carried a leg of lamb on the airplane for him.  It was frozen and wrapped in a Trader Joe's bag and spent a few minutes running through the X-ray machine before I was questioned about it.  The TSA officer and I were quite chatty about how much we love lamb and I think it irritated the pile of travelers behind me.  Any way, I convinced my dad to buy a new dutch oven for my mom for Christmas and in it we cooked a perfect leg of lamb, it was delicious!

The visit with my parents seemed too short but I got back just in time as the flu hit our family hard just a day after my return.  It moved through everyone, our normally buzzing home felt lifeless; on the evening of 12-21-12 Maryanna said, "it seems like the world did end, everyone is so quiet and no one is eating".  I wish the flu ended right there but we suffered high fevers, body aches, stomach aches, head aches, and coughing for over a week.  It robbed us of our normal Christmas festivities and there are a few who are still working through the last of it.  Here are a few shots of the suffering, not pictured is the moaning, weeping and chorus of coughing but you get the idea. 

I was quite desperate for a nap and set the younger kids up with a movie on my laptop.  It was a couple hours later that I discovered someone had spilled a cup of water all over the device and there was no saving it.  We've been airing it out but all I can hope for is a chance at salvaging the hard drive. Totally bummed but finding more and more presence as I distance myself from computer time.  Drawing in deep to find the blessing in this unfortunate episode.

On a lighter note we've been blessed with the beauty of snow.  From every window it looks like a postcard. Those who were well enough have been playing all day in it.

We missed out on visiting with cousins and Nanny and Poppy for our usual Christmas eve festivities, we played it safe in keeping the ones we love far from our germs.  Instead we bundled up and made lanterns out of baby food jars and mason jars and sang carols to the animals.  It was quiet and peaceful out in the night and in the barn and everyone but the oldest were cozy in bed and asleep by 7:30 pm.

Christmas morning was missing its normal bounce, I was still "out" with the flu, so James did his best to make breakfast special.
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The younger ones slept in as needed, then one by one found their way to their stockings.

Paul got a new drum which Charles has also found interest in.

Paul was too sick to work out any sentimental surprises for me so he ran to the tiny gas station/ hardware store around the corner and picked me up this sweatshirt.

Clara's been enjoying her two new little dolls, and I've been equally enjoying eavesdropping on her play.

Peter got some football equipment but has yet to gather the energy needed to head outside and tackle his brothers.

Henry danced from room to room in his new knight's armor.

George got a really cool fagus tractor but pretty much cried all day for any gift that was not his.  He stole a happy moment playing with Clara's telescope while she was knocked out on the couch.

  

And most the other gifts were open ended and kept the kids quietly creating throughout the whole day.  William and James mastered a new marble run and James also got a Bear Grylls survival knife and spent some time with Paul watching their old favorite episodes. 

 

William also got a basket making kit and was totally focused on completing it, he is not sure it is secure enough for gathering eggs but says it is a perfect size for berries.

Maryanna got a fairy building kit and did a lovely job of decorating it and Clara painted a new piggy bank

Here we are after a quiet day of celebrating, only half well (as you can probably tell from the photo) but happy together, no one I'd rather spend a flu filled Christmas with.

Almost a week later we finally gained enough of an appetite to cook up the ham that was wrapped and waiting in the fridge; my sister Mary joined us with her family and we played games, ate, talked, and laughed until beyond reasonable bedtimes.

New's Eve we traced our hands and wrote down 5 goals on the fingers.  Paul brought in Chinese food and everybody took their fortune cookies really seriously.  James was the only child who made up till midnight, Paul, James and I played a 3 hour game of Monopoly and I was almost too tired to count spaces.  I got lucky and won, or maybe they just let me win because it was a holiday and they did not want to see me give up and fall asleep.

And now we are at a new year.  Everyone was well enough to bundle up and spend the day with Nanny and Poppy to celebrate a belated Christmas.  I brought over 5 loads of laundry, which Nanny quietly processed for me between watching football, opening presents, feeding us, knitting and serving dessert.  Poppy then walked us down to a nearby sledding hill and the kids wore themselves out in the sun and snow going down and then climbing back up over and over. I took a few runs down the hill myself and it was fun until I hit a good bump and quickly felt the memory of a tailbone injury from three years ago. 

I feel very blessed today.  These past couple weeks have been unusual and unpredictable and even very uncomfortable at times, and I am grateful for the space it has allowed me to be still and be close to the ones I love.

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