In Gratitude

Yesterday, we had exciting plans to head out in search of a Christmas tree and bring all the holiday boxes down from the barn; however, before 12 pm, the mood of the day took a quick turn on me, and there was an immediate call to rein in and find a quiet corner for peace.

It was late into the evening the night before, that Paul had informed me of some shaking news from his cousin, as a young husband and father his cousin had been diagnosed with cancer.  Though we are responding with great hope for his healing and are supporting him with our prayers, this news coincided with my sister Julie's birthday and I found myself blindsided with a wave of grief, anger and rage that I have not felt in years since her passing.

In this state, I was unable to hold space for the festivities planned or even the simplest of tasks that are required of me on a typical day. Instead, I gave myself permission to process as needed in order to heal this resurfacing wound. For me, I recognize the importance of allowing myself to feel fully what I am feeling, without judging myself or stuffing it away further into my soul.  I recognize the importance of reaching out to a compassionate listener, and most importantly quieting my soul for whisperings of comfort and truth from the Spirit. 

My take away from this experience has flooded me with a gratitude that returned me to what really matters in this life, it has shifted me from a place in "the Christmas crazies" that plaques our society to a space of simple peace.

Will we still decorate for Christmas?  Of course! And we will do so slowly.  Will I finish all the planned crafts, baking and sewing? no. And does it matter? Of course not.  Will there be presents wrapped? Yes! though fewer, they will be selected with the individual in mind. 

Before heading to bed last night Paul requested my Christmas "wish list". Honestly he spoils me so I have to be careful of what I wish for, I gave it some thought and even checked a few online vendors for ideas.  But in the state of gratitude and peace I was experiencing I could not think of anything that I really wanted.  I was reminded of a recent quote from Elder Bednar, "A grateful person is rich in contentment. An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment (see Luke 12:15)."

I responded with "less presents, and more presence".  I say that to myself as well, it is so much easier to buy and wrap something than to be fully available to the ones we love. And the days in which we offer gifts are not reserved for one season, gifts of love and presence may be offered at every interpersonal interaction that greet us daily.  Is that not how Christ lived his life? 

To enter the Christmas season with presence and gratitude lightens me and it is my hope that I may not be swayed, that I may be wise in allowing space for a daily remembering.  That I might recognize that the blessings in my life are abundant, and the blessings of the knowledge of our purpose here on earth and role and mission of the Savior Jesus Christ as offered to all who have ever lived, is priceless. 

   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

The joy of finding community

Over the last couple of months we have enjoyed the company of a handful of other homeschool families.  Though we may vary in our personal philosophies and backgrounds it is the desire to teach our children sustainable life skills that brings us together each week.  We have taken turns hosting work projects and crafts and built comfortable friendships along the way.  I am especially grateful for the shared wisdom and collaboration that is so generously passed around the adult circle.

Here is a report of what has kept us busy:

Potato digging.  I was told this was more fun than an Easter egg hunt.     

Fire roasting tomatoes.  The kids collected wood for the fire and assisted in washing and sorting the tomatoes.  

Dried apples.  We experimented with hanging them in the sun, by the fire and in a dehydrator.  

Compost building.  The kids helped with the garden clean up and learned about layering browns and greens.  The best part was dancing on it! 

 Seed paper.  The kids spent a couple weeks collecting seeds from their gardens and added it to a paper pulp mix.  After the pulp dried they buried them in flower beds and also gave some away as gifts.

Halloween play.  This was my favorite activity because it was completely inspired and directed by the children.  It was the vision and writing of an eleven year old girl and the enthusiasm of the other children that made this event happen.  The script, costumes, and stage were all assembled without the help of any adult.  They performed it in the tube of our barn on Halloween night and are already working on a spring sequel.

Meanwhile the older crowd spent most of the evening pressing apple cider.  With a nourishing pot luck and so much activity no one missed the candy and we all agreed it was one of our favorite Halloweens ever! 

Harvest lanterns.  Throughout the fall the kids have been collecting and pressing flowers and leaves.  We also gathered feathers and used beeswax and modge podge to stick them to the glass jars.

In celebration of Martinmas we had a warm potluck at the park and listened to the story of St. Martin.  When the sun had set we walked through the woods guided by our lanterns and quietly singing songs along the way.  Little George all stuffed in his snow suit insisted that we sing "lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way".  In contrast Maryanna was running yards ahead belting out the song "This little light of mine".  This was another evening to remember and hopefully repeat.     

  Everyone brings something unique to this group and what a blessing this has been to all involved.  I hope to report of many more great activities throughout this next season.

15 full years!

Today is our 15th wedding anniversary, it has been a full 15 years!

I stayed up way too late last night putting this slide show together and woke up feeling abundantly blessed.  Our chosen path has certainly not been one of leisure, we have been stretched (literally). And in leaping beyond our own rational minds exercised trust in a higher call to create a family.  It has not been easy and I recognize the hand of many angels both unseen and here on earth that have supported us along the way.  It has changed us in all the best ways.

As I sorted through photos I found the ones that moved me the most were the real moments of our life, joy is not something that can be staged or fabricated, it can surprise you at 6:00 am when you wake up and find half the family piled on top of you asleep.

I admit the dreams and visions we had for ourselves when we first got married are far from where we are today, there are days I can barely recognize myself from who I once was. And I am so grateful the illusion of successful living has gradually faded, that by working hand and hand with each other and with our Heavenly Father we've allowed prosperity to be redefined.  I feel so rich in ways that can not be measured here on earth.

Thank you Paul for sharing and creating this beautiful life together!

medium from Freden Farm on Vimeo.

THE FAMILY

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A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of theChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

A return to confidence

It has been just over two years that we've lived here on the farm.  In many ways my experience has been foreign, like one who has moved to another continent, maybe even planet.  The transition, though beautiful, has not been easy, I have been stretched beyond my knowledge and capacity.  Because of unrealistic expectations (especially in the garden), I have too easily allowed the wallowing that often follows a stumble.  

Somewhere around the latter weeks of August I was offered a return to confidence.  

One of my farm neighbors and an amazing bee mentor casually  mentioned her plans to wear her mother's wedding dress for her upcoming wedding.  Having worked in a bridal shop years ago I was instantly curious.  She began describing the dress but quickly slipped into the immediate need for assistance with it, and with limited time and money she was turned down by a few local seamstresses.  Out of my mouth, without a thought of the miserable pregnancy symptoms I was experiencing and every other responsibility that occupied a normal day, jumped the words, "I can do it!"

She came over the following evening and tried on the dress that her mom wore in the 70's.  It almost fit her perfectly but needed some updating, so we agreed my services would be traded for bee help in the future.  

I took her measurements and drafted a new bodice.  I felt rusty with the drafting and continually prayed that I would remember all that I had learned so many years ago.  I felt as if I slipped into a trance while working and was spared from the usual headache and disaster that can accompany a bridal gown project (only one who has worked in a bridal shop knows the intensity of such a job). 

The fabric felt as butter in my hands and somehow they just made it happen.

After a final fitting the two of us worked together on hand stitching the lace.  I so enjoyed the company and conversation, we talked about bees, farming, marriage and children.  

Here is the final dress and I can honestly say we were both thrilled!  I have received so much expert advice and help from experienced neighbors that it felt good to know I had something to offer back.  
  

I am far from a master seamstress but it was a good reminder that my skills are of worth.  It is also good to remind myself of the road I walked to gain those skills, it did not happen over night and in my head I can recall countless flopped sewing projects along the way.

I don't sew much these days because my times calls me where it is needed most. And frankly, I'm starting to lean into a more practical lifestyle where drawers and closets and laundry piles are not spilling with excess.  That said where there is a need I find much joy involving the creative process to fill it.

Just last week I pulled out the old bin of maternity clothes.  For some reason my body rejected every pair of maternity skinny jeans and fitted to the skin shirt or dress.  I've done that and I feel with this 9th baby I have nothing to prove and seek only comfort along the way.  That invited a need for a few more maternity pieces so I pulled down a bin of knit fabric and in less than two hours was able to assemble this knit top and skirt.  There are plans for a few more pieces but they will come when time allows.
    

The next project was finished past midnight the night before Clara's birthday.  It is an art bag for all her new art supplies.  I drafted the pattern and there are some definite glitches that had me wishing I had never begun the project to begin with (at least that is how I was feeling at 1 am).    

I pushed through it and finally got the lining to cooperate (somewhat).  Clara loves it!  

Meanwhile........I am wondering when the day will come that the children respond with such enthusiasm over home-grown kale, potatoes and cabbage. 

For the love of our lambs

Since we were late in finding a ram last winter the lambs arrived late this year.  This was a good experience in the do's and don'ts of raising sheep, mainly why lambing should occur in the spring and not late summer.

The first one was born on Maryanna's birthday so she got the privilege of naming it, it was a little ewe now known as "Summer".  She has been strong and alert from the start.

The next lamb was born on Nanny's birthday so it was her turn to name it.  It was a little ram so we warned her not to get too attached, that this one would be heading into the freezer within a year.  She named him "Sunshine" but the kids call him "Sunny".  He was not as quick to his feet.  In fact we soon discovered he had a swollen knee which he could barely put weight on.  He suffered in keeping up with his mother to nurse in the pasture so did not gain weight like he should have. He became very friendly with us as we'd feed him an occasional bottle.

The next lamb, another ram, was born on September 3 while I was checking out at the grocery store.  Normally I'd ignore a call while checking out but two times in a row from our home number means urgent.  It was William who reported the news of the new lamb to me, Paul was out of town and James was inside watching the younger kids so I was relieved that Paul had trained William earlier just what to do with new lambs.  He picked up the lamb and allowed the mother to follow him into a separate pen then did an iodine dip of the cord and gave the mother some fresh hay, grain and water.  Then returned to clean up and bury any placenta left behind.

I suggested we call him "Sept" but the kids thought "Septakar" would be a better name and he now goes by both.  He too showed signs of immediate weakness.  Both Sept and Sunny would be listless in the sheep pen while the mothers were out grazing.  We fed them bottles and wondered why they were so weak.  I spent hours on the phone with experienced sheep farmers, 4-h leaders, vets, meat CSA owners and holistic animal healers.  Each had different advice and diagnoses.  

Now that puts one with no experience in a tricky spot, how to navigate the knowledge and experience of others and apply it intuitively to one's own personal experience.  Have I ever mentioned how many prayers have been offered here in the barn, on our knees in the straw?

By Sunday morning they looked so weak that William and I stayed home from church to care for them; all the while feeling guilty for all the things we did wrong.  To begin with and to ease a little guilt, rams in general are not as strong as ewes at birth.  Second, there is a reason why summer lambing is not recommended, the spring grasses offer the most nutrients for the birthing mothers and summer pasture is dry and lacking what is needed for strong babies and rich milk.  In addition this time of year there is the heaviest worm load which can be detrimental to young lambs.  And lastly, the heat, it simply makes them listless.

We did our best to help but actually may have made them worse.  I was so eager to get Sept drinking a bottle that he may have aspirated some milk and was struggling with every breath.

The vet I consulted with said he could do a $400 emergency call on Sunday but weak lambs don't have much of a chance anyway.  An animal herbalist I got in contact with on Facebook suggested to give them an immediate dose of cayenne and fresh garlic, that that would jump their adrenals and get them to their feet to nurse.  That did help but they needed more.  

                 

I then called our friend Linda Diane Feldt who is experienced in both herbs and cranial sacral therapy.  She has assisted in more than one healing miracle in our family and though she had never worked on a lamb before she was willing to come by and offer what she could.  Her diagnosis for Sunny was a birth injury that had him out of line and swollen on the one knee, he was gently worked on then it was suggested to apply arnica gel every couple of hours.  We saw immediate response!  Sept on the other hand was in worse shape.  One of his lungs was full of fluid, Linda Diane worked to gently move the fluid and there was immediate movement.  Still his breathing was labored and we all prepared ourselves for the possibility that he may not survive the night.  We did what we could and gave him echinacea drops every 2 hours as suggested.  Many urgent prayers were offered from the littlest of voices in our home that evening.  Many tears were wiped as well. 

  

And now I report a miracle - both lambs within a couple of days were on their feet and in the pasture nursing with their mothers.  Both looked so tiny next to Summer but every day got stronger.  I can't tell the gratitude I felt each time I'd peak out my bedroom window and witness them running and jumping in all corners of the pasture.  

  

When we stopped by Stonehedge fiber mill Up North, I filled their ears with many questions about raising sheep and producing quality wool.  They had been doing it for over 25 years and were generous in showing us around the mill and offering suggestions for our flock.

Our wool is waiting in line to be washed, combed, spun and twisted.  I can't wait!  Having the wool in hand, inspecting it and even smelling it for the 5 hour drive Up North has deepened our connection to the sheep and our desire to be good caretakers of them.

We thought we were through with lambing after the third lamb was born.  The fourth ewe was barely a lamb herself and we didn't think she would be giving birth this round.  The surprise came while we were Up North.  A young man from church was hired to take over the farm duties and he called us frantically reporting an injured and bloody lamb,  that it looked like there had been guts coming out of it.  We immediately assumed it was a predator that got one of the weaker lambs but then after a quick head count there were now four lambs.  We moved quickly from grief to joy and laughing.  So the fourth lamb was another little ram and we named it "Bluffholm" after the name of the cabin we were staying in Up North.

Now the sheep aren't nearly as friendly as the goats but we love them just the same and so grateful for the job they do in keeping the pastures down and offering the warmth of their wool and the nourishment of their meat.

Up on the corner sofa in our bed room is the finished fleece of "Buckbeak" our first lamb.  This is the coziest place to fall asleep and favorite spot to pile on for nighttime stories or morning scripture study.  We feel so blessed for the opportunity to learn from the experiences here on the farm and the connection and love we feel for and from our animals.

A Week Up North

We enjoyed another great week with Paul's parents up north.  That was over two weeks ago! We had such a great time that it has taken us that long to ease back into a more structured routine.  I admit I'm behind on all the farm, family and homeschool happenings here on this blog.  Instead I have found Instagram to be a quick way to document the interesting moments that make way into our day. Here's a peek for those curious  http://instagram.com/alisononthefarm

Our best days Up North were spent on Lake Michigan beaches.  The weather was pleasant enough for wading but seemed too cold to be suited up in swimwear.  The temperature did not phase the kids though, and there was no keeping them from diving in, some in clothes and in the case of the youngest, nothing at all.  Each trip to the beach ended in a pile of soggy clothes that were piled high and sandy in the van.  Paul granted us his favorite act of heroism and made way to a local laundry mat before we ran out of clothes.   

The rocks and pebbles along Lake Michigan are magnificent.  We all were mesmerized by the variety of shapes, colors and textures.  We could (and did) spend hours looking for rocks.  Nanny is an expert and enjoys identifying the most special ones.

William was a pro at locating petoskey stones.  He had a small collection that accidentally got tossed back into the lake by a younger child.  He was not discouraged though and ended up finding a few more even larger ones after that. 

Nanny brought her rock finding invention for easy finding.  It is an old broom handle taped to a slotted spoon.  We all were impressed with her cleverness and took turns using it.

This is George's collection that he calls his "magic rocks".  He was not interested in bringing any home but preferred to arrange them in patterns, "I want to leave them for lake because I want the fish to see them".  

Another favorite adventure was had at Sleeping Bear Dunes.  It is quite a steep hike up the first dune and the kids so excited to be there made it half way up before Charlie was even unbuckled out of his car seat.  

I was in no mood to lug him up the dunes but instead encouraged him, "up", "up", "up".  One step at a time he finally made it.

The rest climbed up then ran as fast as they could grading who had the best wipe outs.  There was sand in every corner of their hair and even filled their pockets. 

We were lucky to have them stand for a quick photo.  

Back at the cabin Nanny treated us to many great meals.  

The younger ones colored.

And the older ones relaxed into movies.

We stayed up way too late playing games, laughing and knitting by the fire.

Another outing was had raspberry picking.  I can't remember how many pints we picked but the plan was to have enough to bring home for jam.  Unfortunately raspberries go quick with this crowd and unattended Charlie finished off more than one pint on his own.

                                    

We were treated to a yummy lunch and pleased that this crowd of inexperienced restaurant goers did not make too much of a scene or mess.  Nanny was very amused that every plate was licked clean. 

My favorite stop was at Stonehedge fiber mill.  It was because of this planned stop that 70 lbs of stinky wool accompanied us up north.  The wool was inspected and half was suitable for yarn (a mix of worsted and sport weight) and the other half will be made into quilt batting.  I'm already making plans for both!  It will be months before it is finished and in the meantime will be studying raverly patterns, looking into wool dying techniques and possibly set up an etsy shop for all the surplus yarn.  I can't wait to wear one of our sheep!

  

After dropping off 7 garbage bags of wool Paul was determined to fill the empty van space with apples.  We found a kind organic farmer who allowed us a private visit to his orchards to pick.  He lent us all the best picking gear and ladders and we ended up with 9 bushels full of a variety of apples.

Paul is now apple obsessed and determined to plant a few more trees on our property.  And since our return the apple sauce and apple crisp making has been constant with big plans to host a cider pressing party soon.

Between all the outings we dodged a thunderstorm and squeezed in a peaceful canoe trip down the Platte river.  The salmon were impressive with crowds of them darting up stream and jumping right in front of us.  

We also made the trip to the Cherry Hut and got a 10 lb. box of dried cherries and box of five pies.  

Along the way my basket filled with all sorts of Michigan goodies.

We took a family stroll down by the light house at Point Betsey and promised everyone if they stayed dry we'd roast up s'mores back a the cabin.  

The cabin was right on Crystal Lake and within steps of a warm shower at the cabin there was no keeping them out of the lake. 

Maryanna slipped away one evening with no one knowing it.  We found her fully dressed on a paddle board on the lake.  I admit I was angry and it was hard not to take this peaceful picture.

This trip was a perfect balance of good food, good weather, fun activity and time to relax.  It was especially a treat that Nanny gave me a break from the never ending task of feeding everyone.  We are so grateful for their generosity in hosting us and sharing so many memorable moments.  Here are the thank you cards that were painted upon our return.