Off on my own and back again

This past weekend I had the unique opportunity of venturing out on my own to participate in a small nature retreat.  Though part of a group, most of the work was completed in solitude, and in this rare solo and quiet state I gained much clarity and restorative energy.  

It was two nights of uninterrupted sleep, and two and half days of very little chatter and absolutely zero housework.  Meals were provided and it was a time to be fully immersed in the light of the shinning sun, the glow of the fullest moon, and find company among the plants, animals and rocks.  

In my journal I recorded doodles and drawings, practical plant information, and pages of insight.

I missed Paul and the kids for sure, enough to want to spilt out a day early, but I didn't.  I stretched myself when the solitude felt uncomfortable and returned to my family a fuller me.
       

Upon return the kids ran out to greet me, so many arms reaching out and so many little stories that were anxious to be shared.  Paul greeted me with an exhaustion I have not seen since the years he worked as an investment banker.  He asked me how I did it on my own every. single. day.  I appreciate his acknowledgment of the heavy load I carry. 

Paul did a great job of caring for everyone.  Remarkably they were actually on time for church!

There was so much to catch up on, hugs, kisses and dishes and laundry.  I started with the hugs and kisses and decided to face the rest after bedtime.

I put Charlie down first.  He is learning new words everyday and even three days away surprised me.  We read some books, sang a song and I put him down.

I then called the next two boys up to bed.  Henry was quick to fall asleep (I brought him home an herb filled sleep pillow from the retreat) but George was struggling.  He thrashed and cried and complained about a stomach ache.  I assumed he was over tired and ate too much junk food while I was away so I simply let him be.

As I approached the kitchen I could clearly hear him throwing up.  I thought that a run of the stomach flu was an unfair transition from a weekend on my own.  I got the bucket and towels and cleaned him off.  This happened over and over again until I ran out of towels and it was past midnight.

I headed to the downstairs bathroom for more towels and discovered an open bottle of the herbal tincture blue cohosh.  It's purpose is for inducing labor and I had it unopened and on hand over a year ago just in case I needed it for Charlie's birth.  I had put the pieces together that George got into it, and I could clearly see that half the bottle was empty.

I asked him if he did eat "the yucky brown medicine" and he nodded his head.

I googled it and when I read toxic for children fear set in.  I prayed for direction and I felt impressed to call a healer we worked in Ann Arbor.  It was after midnight so I prayed again, asking if there was anyone else who could assist me.  Again the answer was to call this woman so I did.  I was relieved that after just one ring the phone went right to voice mail and I didn't have to disrupt her after all. 

Within 10 minutes I received a call from her.  I apologized for waking her up but she said, "you didn't wake me up, the Spirit did, I was told you needed my help".  She then explained that she has only phone in the house and it is kept in the laundry room.  I felt much comfort in her willingness to listen and be of help.  

She did confirm the toxicity of blue cohosh and reassured me it was not so dangerously toxic but it was a stimulant, in the family of tobacco and it was important to watch for rapid breathing and fast heart rate.  I was told that vomiting was the natural defense of the body and I should watch for signs of dehydration. I was advised that because of the distance to the hospital I should head to ER so he could be safely watched and evaluated.  I felt peace in that direction so we went.

In the ER George was given medicine to stop throwing up and offered as much fluid as he would take.  The stimulant was still active and this funny little boy talked and talked and laughed and laughed until 5 am.  We were released at 6 am and I got a quick 2 hour nap before it was time to face "normal life" again.   

Peter's Pinewood Derby

Guest Post by Peter

Last Wednesday was the pinewood derby. The week before I went over to my neighbors house and cut out my car out not knowing I was going to win.  The cut design was very simple because I wanted it to have good aerodynamics.

My dad and I bought some green spray and painted it 5 days before the race. 3 days before the race my mom and I designed a crocodile mouth with teeth and eyes and a windshield nostrils. We also added a license plate and some other details.

The next night we started grinding and polishing the axles. The next day was race day and we did a lot of work. We polished the axles, prepared the wheels and weighed it. Fortunately I noticed some gorilla glue got in the axles and wheels so replaced them.  When we got that problem fixed, we noticed the car turned left so we fixed that problem also.

Before the race we met my grandma and grandpa at Jimmy Johns.  I got an unwhich lettuce wrap it tasted good but I was felling nervous while I ate it.

At the church my car weighed 4.7 ounces so we added on a penny and a nickel which made it about 5.0 or 4.9 ounces, some glue almost got on the wheels. On the first race my nickel flew off so on the second race I almost lost.  Then I glued the nickel back on and I won the Bears group. I got pink silly putty as a reward.

After I lost what I thought was the championship.  Then I was relieved to fine out it was only a double illumination so I had a second chance.  On one round and it was a tie between me and Byron which my dad said had to be down to the last millionth of a second.  It was very close but finally after several runs I won! I got a laser pointer and I also won the award for the buffest car. It was a very memorable night and I won't forget it.  It was worth the hard work.

To be 5

Clara's birthday is coming up.  She's been counting the days and reminding me everyday.  She's already rehearsed the celebration plan several times, perhaps because she is worried I'll pull together a last minute surprise party and unlike Maryanna, Clara is not one for loud surprises.  While she is dreaming through the days until she is six I am simply savoring the innocence and sweetness of her still being 5, because 5 is a magic age.

Because when you are 5 the world is magic and you have the gift of reminding that to the rest of the world around you..........even me, a sometimes frazzled mother.  When you are 5 you see more flowers, fruits and blossoms than weeds.  And if you do see those really nasty weeds (like the ones over your head) it is a joy because now there is another place to hide, and anything that flowers is a flower to her.  More than anything it is the flowers that calls her to the garden, those are her flowers, she planted them and has permission to pick them whenever she wants, barefoot, still in her nightgown, with her stuffed cow still in arms........just at sunrise before anyone else is awake.

At first I thought I may have seen a ghost, through the foggy kitchen widow, that little flash of white tipped toed right passed me as I, still fixed in my adult mind, stewed over a list of the day's to do's and a steamy pot of oatmeal. And recognizing her presence there in her nightgown in the early dew and flowers was like waking up for a second time that morning.  And so I joined her......and where in the world did she find those scissors? I've been looking all over for them! Oh how hard it is for me to hold that magic space.

I can't tell her what to do in this space because this is her special place.  It didn't surprise her that the flowers came up "oh course they did, I worked really hard at it and so did the sun".

"I like how pretty they are and it is fun to pick them and bring them inside and I like how they look and....... I always watch the sunrise with you mommy because the sky is so pretty and watching the sunrise makes me happy..........when I'm five it is easy to be happy."

Her nightgown is dew soaked from dancing, and so are my toes from following her trail.  I'm thinking about that pot of oatmeal on the stove and wondering who is screaming inside, we better hurry.  But wait!  "Sister in the bushes is calling" she informs me, we read all about her in The Seven Year Old Wonder Book.  And it is a wonder, this cover crop of buckwheat, even easier to grow than weeds.  And I am told that the leaves look like hearts and this is exactly where "Sister in the bushes" prefers to hide.  This is a magic place, where both the weeds and time are stilled.

The weather is changing.  Instead of a bathing suit or sundress she now decorates herself for fall.  She  dances in the wind and drops each piece like scattered leaves, all. around. the house.  Someone please remind me, quick do your magic little 5 year old girl, turn me back from feeling like a monster and into a gentle mommy again.  And dancing in the kitchen will do it every time.

You wear it all well, your big heart and spirit and I am melted.

How about the work we do together?  I didn't know there were "outfits for stirring".  "Please don't make too big of a mess" I urge her, why am I struggling to find the fun in this?  Why do I spoil such beautiful moments with thoughts of how (and when) am I going to clean this up?

She quickly brings me back, "stirring makes my arm hurt but I still like it. I like to taste test it.  It tastes yummy because Hank said I'm a tomato picker and Hank is my friend and neighbor.  I like tomato sauce best with pasta and a spoon, even when it burns my tongue".............Perhaps I could do every task with a costume and such a smile, even when I might hurt my arm or burn my tongue?

Is it my purpose to teach her of my world or is it her purpose to remind me of hers? You know the world of a 5 year old little girl is a balmy place, it is where the whole world flowers, every rock is special and everyday conversations are expressed in gentle song.

Together with our family at Pointe Betsie I called to her because we were in a moment where our two worlds collided, of course they did, I was on vacation. "Clara, look!  the sun is setting", she casually replied, "I know, I like watching the sun rise and fall both the same, it is pretty and it happens two times a day and it is special".

I ask her if I can take a pretty picture of her in the light of the setting sun.  She answers me with a quick shift in demeanor and a sassy smirk and pose, as if to say, "no way mom, there is so much more to me than being pretty".

She liked cooking the s'mores on the beach with our family that night and especially liked snuggling with Poppy when it got cold.  I try one more time just as the sun slowly crept towards the water.  "Clara, let me take your picture in front of the setting sun".  This time her pose answered boldly....."oh Mom, you poor adult, you try way too hard, let me show you everyone has a shadow side".

Instantly after the click she was back to dancing and smiling. She suggested this rock also deserved its photo taken in the light of the setting sun. And so I clicked in a quest to discover the secrets of living in a 5 year old world.  After reviewing the photo I am told, "it kind of looks like a heart, can you see it?" Kind of, I suppose I'm almost there, or back to where I may have been over 30 years ago. 

Again, to her the whole world flowers, every rock is special and even the most everyday conversations are expressed in gentle song.  

While dressing her dolls this morning I caught glimpses and mixes of familiar lyrics set to a self composed tune:

"just like a spoonful of sugar, 

I'm following the train of your thoughts, 

and I like to see you too, forever with you." 

Hearing her sing is like watching the sunrise, it reminds me to slow down, be gentle with myself and be gentle with others as well.  She is usually one of the first ones up in the mornings, she likes to burrow under our covers and snuggling close she invites me to brush the hair behind her ears, she loves that.  

She is a wonder to me, and being the first one she greets in the morning and the last face in her eyes at night, I suppose I am a wonder to her as well.  At night she begs me not to read a story but to tell a story, one about "Rosie" the bendable bear and "Little Mermaid" the bendable rabbit going to the circus.  And then in turn I sing to each of the girls a special song, preferring a mix of familiar tunes to self composed lyrics.  I am not a singer but they have never once scolded me when I was off tune, only they request "again?" 

As I offer kisses and hugs I realize I am their sunset and sunrise as they are mine.  What a gift we are to each other, and what a gift it is to live and learn along side a wondering child of any age, even 36. Because every year is magic when you live in wonder and have the gift of reminding that to others.

Two reasons to celebrate

We hosted a small gathering with family and a few friends last Sunday.  It was Henry's birthday and also the day we blessed Charles.  

Here's Henry with the very special Thomas Train cake that Nanny made.  We got to sing to Henry two times because George knocked out the candles before Henry had a chance.  As we sang through the birthday song again I thought about what a sweet and sensitive boy he is and how lucky I am to be his mother. 

My sister Suz made some fancy farm cookies and shipped them for this special gathering. I was busy visiting with guests and forgot to take a picture before half of them were eaten but you can check them out on her blog here.

It was a beautiful day to celebrate outside.  Henry got a shovel and wheel barrow as gifts and had no problem sharing them with cousins as they worked to move wood chips.  It was a busy day indeed!

In the past we have taken formal pictures with our babies on the day of their blessings but that didn't happen this time.  James snapped this one of us just before I yelled at everyone to get in the car for church.

And I snapped this one during our party.  We love this little guy Charles, with his gentle breath and piercing eyes, and oh so long and skinny.  We feel so blessed that he has joined our family, what a joy it is to watch him grow into himself one day at a time. 

 

Feeding Time

Feeding times are what rule our family's new rhythm.  It's forcing me out of bed early and demanding that everyone else is also up and playing their part.

My part has been more than demanding moving from nursing Charles, cooking breakfast, milking goats, bottle feeding baby goats and back again to nursing my own baby.  Childcare mixed with goat care is certainly an interesting process but we are smitten with these sweet animals and finding so much joy in their care.

I've already described my feelings to a few friends........I've never been more stretched and tired in all my life yet I've never been so alive.

Peter is feeding "Yagi" above and William is feeding "Sachi".  They are nicknamed the "greedies" because they finish their bottles so fast and jump all over in hopes to steal from the other two, Princess and Zara, who have a harder time taking the bottle.

Princess and Zara have been mostly successful in nursing but we like to feed a bit of the milk back to them to be sure they are getting what they need.  But getting those two to take a bottle is harder so it usually falls (literally) in my lap.

Here I am trying to make it work with Charles in a sling.  It was as awkward as it looks but Princess finally took what she needed and Charles slept through the whole process.  They may be developing a special bond to each other.

Charles cries a lot when he's not being held so sometimes it is easier to just keep him wrapped to me while I'm concentrating on goat care, even during the milkings.  But I have recently become more demanding in having the oldest brother exercise his patience in caring for a crying baby, it has been good for all of us.  James is developing the magic touch with his youngest brother and they are definitely developing a special bond.

From one feeding time.......

.....to another.

Feeding time is not just for the one offering and the one consuming, it is a peaceful time where the other younger children and other animals like to gather.  Here are a few of them not too far from my seat quietly enjoying feeding time on this unusually warm day.  I love when they are all so still and near, it is rare. 

Here is Clara and Pickles and then Henry soaking up some sun.

Off to bed, the baby goats only require 3 feedings a day but Charles is nursing round the clock every 3-4 hours so if I'm not busy feeding someone it would be wise to rest.

2012 Pinewood Derby

So the Pinewood Derby crept up on us in the midst of all our lovely days of doing nothing.  I pretty much dropped the ball on all that was required of me that day including some brownies that were flopped.  In my fog I nodded to James that he could use avocado oil for baking - they were also neglected in the oven, not burned but over cooked enough that we could barely get a knife through them. So they did not make it to their spot on the refreshment table.  I already posted a pretty lengthy facebook update about it that evening but thought it might be fun to have a record of it here as well.

The cars were barely completed in time and both were still sticky in hand with paint and glue on the ride over (good thing it is a 25 minute ride).   William is a Webelo but I have yet to sew on his Wolf and Bear badge, same for Peter he's still waiting for his Bobcat badge.  At least we found the shirts!

Anyway, despite my neglect it turned out to be another exciting night of racing cars.  I stayed home with the baby but Paul was there cheering them on with Nanny and Poppy, their cousin David and all the younger siblings.  While I so enjoy assisting in the design process Paul has mastered the variables of speed.  Wiiliam once again took second while Peter was a very close third (they are still arguing over the distance "I was only a millimeter behind" - "no, you were at least a centimeter").

Here the cars are alongside the others from past years.  Most of the design inspiration has come from the Henry Ford museum and our extensive collection of matchbox cars.  Not pictured are the traditional 1/2 inch licence plates created on adobe with name, date and State.  With 6 boys now we figure we'll end up with a collection of at least 16 cars.

William's first design idea for this year's car was a Jedi star fighter but thought it would be too intricate to carve, so he settled on the streamlined winged helmet car. We were pressed for time so we skipped painting on the details and used yellow construction paper  and ModgePodge instead.

Here is Peter's car.  It has sort of a futurist body with him in driver's seat and his hen "Mendori" riding as the passenger.  He had plans to graffiti it with all sorts of symbols including pi, infinity and yin/yang.  But since we were short on time we simply glued on 3 simple stars.  You can see we didn't wait long enough for the paint to dry as it is also decorated with lots of smudgy finger prints.  But I'd say it adds to the personality of the car.

After the event Paul treated everyone to Jimmy John sandwiches.  I was already asleep by the time they got home but the boys were so excited to give the report that they ran into my room, turned on the lights and threw a wrapped Jimmy John's sandwich at me to wake me up.  Normally it irritates me to be woken up so abruptly (especially when I know I'm already heading into a night of disrupted sleep) but it was worth it to witness the triumph they were still riding, besides, nursing makes me really hungry so I gobbled down the entire sandwich before they could even get out all the details.  As trophies they each brought home a stainless steel water bottle. 

And finally, after reviewing all the photos Paul emailed me from the event I decided it was time once again to get out the hair clippers.  We just took care of that a few days ago but still in my fog I can't say the hair cuts turned out any better than the flopped brownies.  But at least hair grows and these boys aren't too fussy.......they eventually dug out all the scraps and crumbs of the brownies, consumed them with compliments and never even mentioned the missing badges from their Boy Scout uniforms.

It's great to be 8!

We celebrated Peter's birthday last Saturday.  It looks like he may have turned 71 but that is just our version of "8" with what we had on hand.  So is the pile of crepes, I dropped the ball on a cake and the felt birthday crown.  But I was later told by the birthday boy that those were the best crepes ever (I suspect it has to do with the rich duck eggs I threw in).

In the past Peter's birthday always included Indian carry out.  You see my first two children arrived more than a week early and it was so frustrating to have Peter's due date arrive with a baby still nestled inside me. Paul had bribed me with the spending rights to whatever extra tax refund would come if he was born before the year's end.  I spent a week jogging on the treadmill and eating spicy Indian food to help facilitate the process.  Nothing happened except a bit of heartburn.  Peter came in his own time and what a thrill it was to finally hold him.  It was also exciting to later discover he loved Indian food.  He still does so I suppose we'll have to continue the celebration with some carry out or frozen Deep Foods sometime this week (or the weeks to come if I end up passing by my due date). 

But there was no complaining about the treats served on this year's birthday.  Paul took the kids into Jackson to the Parlour for a banana split big enough to feed the whole family.  This was followed by a stop at the Toy House where Peter picked out the Hogwarts Express Lego set.    

They spent the rest of the day lost in the joy of Legos.  

The celebrating continued into today when our kind neighbors brought by a personalized cake.  

And what made this birthday so special was Peter's baptism.  We kept it very simple and were grateful for family and friends who were able to attend and participate.  I'm still a bit sorry that my low energy prevented me from hosting even the simplest of gatherings after but perhaps that is what made this event all the more special - I got to focus on and enjoy the baptism without the distraction or pressure to entertain.

Peter is a great kid.  Full of enough energy, funny faces and funny commentaries to throw a whole crowd of children into "the goofs".  And just when this mother has had enough of "the goofs", this growing boy wraps his arms so tenderly around my giant belly and reminds me of the phrase I often chanted when he was smaller, "nothing could be sweeter than my little Peter".  A few years ago he suggested we start counting our hugs, we lost count beyond a couple 1,000 so now when we hug we make up some ridiculously large number like 1,004,562,001.  Oh how I love being the lucky mother who gets to share so many laughs and hugs with this special boy.      

Mini Fig Display

Mini figs have infested our home, they are everywhere, in the dryer, at the table, in the cushions and even sometimes in my shoes.  The boys have enjoyed the thrill of collecting series 3, 4 & 5 and trying to guess what character is inside.  They've named each one and have used them to compose all sorts of funny brick films.  

But as much fun as they are, we were in need of some mini fig crowd control.  I've been searching thrift stores and antique stores for an old thimble case and finally came up this old printer's drawer.  William was with me and happened to have his boxer mini fig in his pocket and we were thrilled to find the letter boxes to be a perfect fit.  We spent $22 on the drawer and another couple dollars for the hooks to hang it, not bad for such a functional and decorative piece.     

I like how the boys can stand up there for extended periods of time rearranging the display making all sorts of stories involving battle droids, fishermen, ninjas and aliens. Their playing kind of reminds me of the gods on Clash of the Titans, taking each one down and deciding their fate.

Here's a record of William and Peter's current collection (James chooses to keep his in an enclosed tube).  Hopefully they'll be able to keep better track of them here on their wall instead of in their pockets or lost in the van or around the yard and house.  They are anxiously awaiting series 6 and have reserved enough spots on the display to welcome them.

Fall Birthday Bash

This past weekend we celebrated Clara and James' birthday with a bunch of our friends and family.  This was our first big farm party with over 50 guests and the kids had so much fun they are already making plans for the next big party here.

My mom is a very experienced entertainer, she still hosts crowds of 50 or even 100+ guests every few months and does so effortlessly.  I don't have as much experience and still feeling like I dropped the ball on the decorations, food spread and planned activities.  But no one seemed to notice except me.  It was a perfectly beautiful day so most the kids were happy to just run free, visit the animals and climb trees.

James did manage to organize a few games for the older kids including eating doughnuts off a string and toilet paper dodge ball.

Clara had helped me make her pink cupcakes that morning and James baked two batches of brownies instead of a cake.

But by the time all the toilet paper was cleaned up from dodge ball, all the brownies were already devoured and there was nothing left to light a candle in for James.  So we made due with a plate of whip cream.

 And I'm sure you can guess what happened next.

Then this.

And it didn't stop until two cans of whip cream were empty.

Instead of gifts we had requested a small donation of food that we plan to deliver to Food Gathers, instead of party favors we made bird seed cookie ornaments. 

We wound it down by the camp fire and are grateful to all who made the effort to travel out to the country and help celebrate with our family.