Practicing Peace in Chaos

On a good morning and with the help of yoga today I can squeeze a bit of yoga practice into my life.  Matched with scripture study this is a great start to the day. But sometimes the morning turns on me in the middle of the practice, and this is probably the best practice. 

Lately, it seems every morning has been turning on me, being greeted with much more chaos than cooperation.  I am learning that peaceful management of a home and family requires more than just an outline for our day.  

My kids like to sneak pictures of me when I'm practicing yoga.  They think when I'm closing my eyes I don't know what they are doing, sometimes during my practice they'll also sneak into the fridge or slip in a few unkind words or hurtful hand to another sibling.  Sometimes (oftentimes), the younger ones climb and crawl all over me.  This offers advanced practice and I usually fold into laughter, and laughing yoga may be what is needed most at this stage.

Last Sunday morning was particularly hard.  I do not practice yoga with a mat on the sabbath but I do incorporate ujiayi breathing into the task of getting our family ready and out the door for church.  Anyone with even one young child knows the challenge, Paul and I often say it could be included as an Olympic event.  

On this particular morning my children were waking from a family party that went till 11pm.  My parents are in town and it is hard and perhaps important not to set boundaries on such joy.  A handful of hours later,  somewhere in the middle of my children's sleep, Crystal the mother cat decided to distribute her kittens into the various beds of my children.  I think it was 3 am when Maryanna was at my pillow informing me of the unusual situation.  So I sent her back to bed and set off on a kitten hunt.  In the process I ended up cleaning their rooms and folding clothes while I carefully searched for the kittens.  By 4 am all the kittens were set back in a box inside a closet with the mother.

By 6 am I was reminded it was time to start getting ready for church.  I took to the task of laying out clothes and peacefully urged others out of bed.  I slipped downstairs, dug through a giant pile of unfolded laundry for a few missing components and then proceeded with breakfast preparations.  We had a plan to join in on a few more family gatherings directly after church so I also began preparing the contributions I offered to bring.

There still was no sign of another waking human but the goats and chickens were all calling from their pens, another reminder of all that needed to get done before leaving for church.  As part of our Sunday morning routine I play the album "Teach Me To Walk In The Light" so I turned it as loud as I could.  

  One by one life found its way down the steps, first down was one of the older boys wearing pants that hit mid calf.  There was much resistance when I informed him that he could not wear those pants, this was matched with anger, frustration and all the physical affects of too little sleep and too much sugar.  

The next big boy I greeted wore an undershirt that screamed "Michigan Football" right through the dress shirt and I was faced with more practice.

There was barely time for baths so we did quick dips of the younger ones.  We did this sequentially and maybe twice for the ones who decided to play in the honey that was left out with breakfast.  Paul and William did all the animal chores.  

I kept an even peace until I realized there was no way we were going to make it in time for the Sacrament.  From there I spiraled from blaming and yelling to going to a place of failure. This all happened while digging through the unfolded laundry pile a second time to replace clothes that were smeared with honey.  I did not sit well with the situation and crumpled into a prayer and tears into the laundry pile.  Immediately the question came to me for what purpose do you partake of the Sacarment? I responded in my heart,  a remembering of the Savior, a recommitment of Christ like living and  for a renewal of peace.  With this response came a clear exhale and reconnection with peace, I partook of it within my heart.

We were late for church and the house was left in a tornado like mess and I'm pleased to report peace was maintained.  That is what matters.

I use to think the solution was to fix the chaos, control it, but that is impossible and yelling and stressing does not feel good inside my body.   All I can control is myself and my own response to what ever shows up in my daily life.  And my life offers much practice.

       

With the intention of greater peace and calm, I hope to tune more into the eyes of individuals than the clock, I am hoping to step away from what is expected and instead ask myself "what is really needed in this moment?".  

As a mother may I be more joyful in setting the tone of our home, especially a harmonious note when it is time to venture out the door of our home. 

I like to use a mix of Mormon and Yoga language as a tool for my intentions.  Sometimes I even arm myself with a tangible reminder, a handwritten scripture or mantra that rests in my pocket for the day.  Some days I simply rely on an open heart and mind for spiritual messages to come as they are needed. 

At the start (or sometimes re-start) of each day I plead for clarity and focus of the mind, for my heart, that it may continually be the home of peace and love, my core, that may it be filled deeply with the strength and power of breath and that I may remain centered.  I seek courage and balance in reaching out through my limbs and my feet, that they may stay grounded, firmly planted in truth.  This is my daily practice and joy.........even when it is through a cloud of chaos or a giant pile of unfolded laundry.