Sunny San Diego

I just returned from another trip across the country.  With only a days notice it was arranged for me and Charlie to head out to San Diego to help my dear friend Krissy move.  It felt good to see the sun and shed the wool long underwear but more than anything it felt like old college days hanging out with Krissy.  We laughed harder than we have in years, stayed up way too late talking, shed some tears, broke out in wild dance moves and treated ourselves to fancy herbal teas and chocolates.

Aside from a quick brush with the stomach flu this trip was enlivening, it awoke portions of me that have been lost somewhere between college, moving all around the country and settling on a farm with 8 children.  I kicked my feet in the freezing water and rolled in the sand, I made a sand angel and almost got completely caught by the tide.  I filled my pockets with the shiniest of shells while Krissy laughed and stayed bundled and dry with little Charles.

This trip was just as good for Charles, he tagged along on the many tasks and errands and to keep him happy I simply fed him.  He was also fed lots of hugs and attention from Krissy's daughters and came home with a double chin and feet almost too chubby for his furry boots.  

Krissy and I worked hard but I did not leave the least bit depleted.  Whatever I offered was doubly returned, yes my moving muscles were a little sore but I came home stronger and more filled than when I left.  I am so grateful for the experience, it was rich with good times.  

I once again returned to the great possibility of women coming together and working collectively with purpose in a way that ignites joy for both the giver and receiver.  This honestly has not always been my experience in the many organizations that I have served, or even with my family.  I'm still pondering what shifts are needed within myself to allow it. I am also wondering what shifts are needed among the consciousness of women, what is preventing us from truly uniting in joy. 

     

Maryanna ran out of the car and right into my arms as I waited curbside at the airport in freezing Detroit, I squeezed her tight and felt a knot in her hair the size of a bagel.  I felt the warmth of her joy in our reunion and also the need for my presence in her life. Yes she needed a good brushing but more than anything I realize my children need a mother who is fully alive, who takes care of herself and more able to serve them in joy.  

So my take away from this trip and what is moving me into this new year is to lighten up, open more space for laughter and presence, let go of self sacrifice, allow more help from others and participate more fully in the joy and gratitude of giving and receiving.      

Holiday Highs and Lows

This Christmas will not soon be forgotten, it has been packed with both good times and challenges.  To begin with, Paul and I got to slip away to Salt Lake City with baby Charles for a quick visit with friends and family.  The rest of the kids were left in the care of my sister Mary and Nanny and Poppy with the older boys in charge of all the animals duties.  I am grateful to all who allowed this trip to happen.

I had big plans to sleep in every day in the warmth of my parents home but something funny happened, with no work to do, I had an excess of energy and found myself unable to sleep.  I simply enjoyed the company of my parents and got spoiled with their attention. I presented my mom with her Christmas present, it was a pillow I made from some needle work my grandma did many years ago.  We found the piece in a box in the barn last summer and I asked my mom if I could keep it, she agreed without a clue of what my plans were for it.

For my dad I hand carried a leg of lamb on the airplane for him.  It was frozen and wrapped in a Trader Joe's bag and spent a few minutes running through the X-ray machine before I was questioned about it.  The TSA officer and I were quite chatty about how much we love lamb and I think it irritated the pile of travelers behind me.  Any way, I convinced my dad to buy a new dutch oven for my mom for Christmas and in it we cooked a perfect leg of lamb, it was delicious!

The visit with my parents seemed too short but I got back just in time as the flu hit our family hard just a day after my return.  It moved through everyone, our normally buzzing home felt lifeless; on the evening of 12-21-12 Maryanna said, "it seems like the world did end, everyone is so quiet and no one is eating".  I wish the flu ended right there but we suffered high fevers, body aches, stomach aches, head aches, and coughing for over a week.  It robbed us of our normal Christmas festivities and there are a few who are still working through the last of it.  Here are a few shots of the suffering, not pictured is the moaning, weeping and chorus of coughing but you get the idea. 

I was quite desperate for a nap and set the younger kids up with a movie on my laptop.  It was a couple hours later that I discovered someone had spilled a cup of water all over the device and there was no saving it.  We've been airing it out but all I can hope for is a chance at salvaging the hard drive. Totally bummed but finding more and more presence as I distance myself from computer time.  Drawing in deep to find the blessing in this unfortunate episode.

On a lighter note we've been blessed with the beauty of snow.  From every window it looks like a postcard. Those who were well enough have been playing all day in it.

We missed out on visiting with cousins and Nanny and Poppy for our usual Christmas eve festivities, we played it safe in keeping the ones we love far from our germs.  Instead we bundled up and made lanterns out of baby food jars and mason jars and sang carols to the animals.  It was quiet and peaceful out in the night and in the barn and everyone but the oldest were cozy in bed and asleep by 7:30 pm.

Christmas morning was missing its normal bounce, I was still "out" with the flu, so James did his best to make breakfast special.
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The younger ones slept in as needed, then one by one found their way to their stockings.

Paul got a new drum which Charles has also found interest in.

Paul was too sick to work out any sentimental surprises for me so he ran to the tiny gas station/ hardware store around the corner and picked me up this sweatshirt.

Clara's been enjoying her two new little dolls, and I've been equally enjoying eavesdropping on her play.

Peter got some football equipment but has yet to gather the energy needed to head outside and tackle his brothers.

Henry danced from room to room in his new knight's armor.

George got a really cool fagus tractor but pretty much cried all day for any gift that was not his.  He stole a happy moment playing with Clara's telescope while she was knocked out on the couch.

  

And most the other gifts were open ended and kept the kids quietly creating throughout the whole day.  William and James mastered a new marble run and James also got a Bear Grylls survival knife and spent some time with Paul watching their old favorite episodes. 

 

William also got a basket making kit and was totally focused on completing it, he is not sure it is secure enough for gathering eggs but says it is a perfect size for berries.

Maryanna got a fairy building kit and did a lovely job of decorating it and Clara painted a new piggy bank

Here we are after a quiet day of celebrating, only half well (as you can probably tell from the photo) but happy together, no one I'd rather spend a flu filled Christmas with.

Almost a week later we finally gained enough of an appetite to cook up the ham that was wrapped and waiting in the fridge; my sister Mary joined us with her family and we played games, ate, talked, and laughed until beyond reasonable bedtimes.

New's Eve we traced our hands and wrote down 5 goals on the fingers.  Paul brought in Chinese food and everybody took their fortune cookies really seriously.  James was the only child who made up till midnight, Paul, James and I played a 3 hour game of Monopoly and I was almost too tired to count spaces.  I got lucky and won, or maybe they just let me win because it was a holiday and they did not want to see me give up and fall asleep.

And now we are at a new year.  Everyone was well enough to bundle up and spend the day with Nanny and Poppy to celebrate a belated Christmas.  I brought over 5 loads of laundry, which Nanny quietly processed for me between watching football, opening presents, feeding us, knitting and serving dessert.  Poppy then walked us down to a nearby sledding hill and the kids wore themselves out in the sun and snow going down and then climbing back up over and over. I took a few runs down the hill myself and it was fun until I hit a good bump and quickly felt the memory of a tailbone injury from three years ago. 

I feel very blessed today.  These past couple weeks have been unusual and unpredictable and even very uncomfortable at times, and I am grateful for the space it has allowed me to be still and be close to the ones I love.

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Homemade Christmas gifts 2012

Here is a report of this year's homemade gifts. 

James gave to Charles and used a kit from Weir crafts to make him this soft doll. Charles loved it right out of the wrapping but James admitted to never wanting to sew again, he didn't mind doing the stuffing and sculpting but relied a lot on me for "fixing" it.

  

Peter gave to George and designed his own pattern for these stuffed magnetic fish.  Peter is always the most enthusiastic about Christmas makings and when our babysitter Peggy found him a second hand Pfaff for only $5 he took to sewing every night as late as I'd let him.  He did a good job on these fish but we are still reworking the fishing pole. 

William gave to Henry and Henry was specific in his request for some more FIMO Star Wars guys.  William was totally independent in this creation and even very generous in the time he spends playing Star Wars with Henry.

Maryanna picked Clara's name out of the pot and there was no end to the ideas she wanted to make for her. She stapled several fabric scraps together to make doll outfits but couldn't wait until Christmas to give them to her.  This pillow was put together just a few days before Christmas, Maryanna drew a picture and dug through all my scraps and trim to get it just right.  Not pictured is a secret pocket on the back for Clara to hide her treasures.  

Henry created for Maryanna this year and with recent siblings tension between the two of them he threatened more than once not to finish a present for her.  We pulled through the conflict and Henry found it in his heart to paint her a special rock.  Henry also helped pick out the fabric for this art case that I sewed and also helped collect art supplies to fill it with.
 

George gave to Peter this year and he was quick in his decision to paint a blue rock with a robot on it.  He picked out a robot image online and told me to type "Rodger, Rodger you are very special", so I did and we glued it on top of the painted rock.  George also helped me put together a Shutterfly book just for Peter.

Charles had William this year and really there is not much a baby can make for a sibling so this was a semi handmade gift that he basically watched James and I do.  William got a personalized pitch fork that was etched in with a wood burning tool, it says "Farmer William".

Clara made for James this year and picked out the fabric for these jammie pants.  She also was skilled enough to iron the fabric by herself and help pin down the pattern.  I let her sit on my lap and do most the sewing as well.

Paul's mom surprised Paul with a mystery box under the tree.   In it was the farmer sculpture he made in 4th grade, what a treasure, who would have thought he'd be anywhere near being a farmer!