Beautiful Life

Last night I thought it would be a good idea to go to bed early so I sent the boys to do the 9 pm milking.  

It was cold and drizzling outside and just as my head nestled down into the pillow I heard the frantic stomp of muddy farm boots marching their way up the steps.  "Mom - there's something coming out of Yuleme"!  

I could have been quicker finding my way out the barn but honestly I was terrified, you think I'd be cool with birth by now?! I very slowly suited up in my overalls and before I could pull on my boots Paul came running in  - "come quick, the head is out".  James, William and Peter were there calmly encouraging the goat and something very unexpected happened, I bolted from the barn in fear.  Under the light of the moon I experienced full body shakes as if it was I that was about to deliver a baby.  Paul came right behind me shouting "what are you doing? get back in the barn, you can't run from this"! I made the excuse of finding my phone and calling an experienced goat owner, which I did.  I grabbed a handful of flower essences, got down on my knees and said a prayer for courage, then before making it to my feet practiced a few rounds of slow concentrated breathing, my favorite labor tool.

Someone came running in - "the baby's out and there is another one coming".  So back I was in the barn.  I found courage in the look of wonder shared on the faces of my three oldest boys.  James was almost in tears as he whispered, "I have never seen something so amazing in my life".  He was not averse to the stickiness of birth and gently helped clean the little goat kid as Yuleme worked on the next arrival.  And what a relief when she fully appeared.   

 

Here is proud mama Yuleme with her baby buck "Spike" (9lbs) and little doe "Greta" (6 1/2 lbs)

Yuleme is a natural mother and we are allowing the kids to nurse.  Just to be sure they are getting enough though we milk her and offer 6 oz every 4 hours.   Paul and I took the middle of the night shifts but during waking hours the children are more than happy to help with this farm chore.

Somewhere in the middle of caring for and feeding these baby goats, and caring for and feeding my own children I prepared some soup for a family that was ill.  I was very tired but stayed a bit and visited with them because on most occassions I really enjoy their company.  Out of no where I suffered an undeserved verbal attack, it was communicated to me that I was failing in my endeavors as a farmer, that our place was falling apart and I would never live up to the way the previous owners performed as a neighbor. 

I courageously stated that I would bear no more, I looked the individual deep in the eyes and said I was really hurt, that I had been hit to the core of my deepest insecurities.  I validated some of what he said - it is true we have a few busted fences, it is true my husband's career barely allows time for even the minimum hand around the farm, it is true that my garden cultivated giant weeds, it is true the garden beds are untidy and the grapes remain unpruned! It is true that goat blood makes me uneasy, it is true there may be plans and projects that will never be finished, it is true that I may not be physically strong enough to handle a chain saw and even true that there are days both my hair and dishes remain unwashed.  AND I returned with the truth that we all permission to live our lives the best we can.

Looking back there was so much  more I wish I could have said but the truth is by the time I got in the car I was shaking as I had the night before when it was time to attend the goat birth.  And by the time I was parked at home I could not hold back the crying, it was loud and Paul came running out to see what had happened.  Paul encouraged me to look at our surroundings with different eyes, and reminded me that visiting the goats always makes me feel better.  So I did.

My visit with the goats was healing.  I was able to see and feel more clearly.  I spoke truth to myself as life really is and the truth is, Life is more beautiful than any Pinterest board, blog photo or Country Gardens magazine or neighbor could ever cultivate.  Outside individuals may see giant weeds and countless signs of imperfection but I am not here to prove perfection, I am here to gain wholeness.  

Life is not what is externally manipulated, Life is what we manifest from the deepest corners of our soul.  I am not failing Life!   

I see light shining in the eyes of my children. I feel my home quake with laughter and the running of their ever growing legs, I see their curiosity displayed in finger prints and scribbles on my walls, I feel their cry and their relief as I offer what only I can give. 

I wonder with them of the mystery one tiny seed can hold,  I join them in song, and I do it with my whole soul until there are tears in my eyes.  With them I can dance a conversation and drink in a poem, I can find comradere with animals and hear whisperings among leaves.  The site of fresh mud tempts me and the feel of dirt through my hand hypnotizes me. The fierce wind and rain slap my face and I receive this reminder that I am so very much alive.      

I kiss my husband passionately and get lost in his embrace.  I stare up at the stars and wonder about existence beyond time................ 

This is who I am on the inside, this is what I willing choose to manifest, even if it costs me the approval of others. 

Because life is too beautiful to be experienced with only a portion of one's whole soul.

I'm actually grateful for the very unneighborly experience that cracked me open today. It has allowed me further permission to fully live even in the face of many imperfections.     

Food Storage to Furniture

I've been searching for a couple of months for the perfect stool for the desk Paul's mom gave me.  Originally the desk was Paul's grandma's vanity but no one knows what happened to the original stool. I've searched thrift stores, ebay, etsy and antique stores but have not been able to find one that would fit perfectly, I came close but they all were at least 1/2" too wide.

When I came across this tutorial I was interested but very skeptical.  The food bucket actually fit the perfect dimensions I was looking for and since I already had almost everything on hand I gave it a try.  The only thing I had to buy was the foam and was very surprised how expensive it was, luckily it was on sale.

Now for the work of it.  In the tutorial it tells you to draft a pattern and use some "finessing" to pull the cover over the bucket.  My finessing was more like a full body wrestle with the stool and still cannot figure out how they got such a perfect fit.  I ended up folding over a piece to cover the very messy seam that split as I tried to pull it over.

It is not perfect but it works and no one would ever imagine it once was a bucket of oats.  I did weigh down the bucket with a bit of water softner salt but I suppose if the sandbox was not covered in snow I would have dug up some sand for that purpose.  

Here it is again at my desk, it has proved to be the perfect solution and combined with the right fabric looks just right where it rests.  Now the girls are waiting for me to make one for their room.    

  

Country Cooking Club

A neighbor and I make up the country cooking club that meets in my kitchen on Thursday evenings.  As long as the weather is crummy enough to keep us out of our gardens and one of us was able to make the trek to a decent grocery store we cook.  

It started out with my fear of cooking lamb, or possibly even eating lamb.  So we first did a white bean rosemary lamb shank stew and it was delicious!  We also did lamb kafta with fatoush and an incredible lamb shoulder roast.  

I should have been better at keeping a record along the way but honestly there is not much time for pictures and writing notes when there are many mouths to feed.  Here's a few of the recent dishes I did catch:

Ecuadorian Chicken Stew.  What intimidated me the most about this recipe was the achiote paste but that is what made it fabulous.  This was a perfect comfort meal on a freezing Feb. evening.

More recently we  made hassle back potatoes.  We let Clara and Maryanna practice their knife skills on these.  They were fun to make and fun to eat!

We also made lamb liver and onions.  Before cooking this my neighbor taught me the very important lesson on how to properly clean and season a cast iron skillet, and also how to have the patience for transparent onions.   Charlie gobbled the liver up and begged for more.

We also discovered these super simple kale and goat cheese frittata muffins.  The red pepper in them made all the difference although I found when feeding them to my children it required a bit of crumbled bacon and less goat cheese.  These are perfect to pass around during the 20 min drive to church.

This next dish, lemon-pepper soy-ginger lamb heart stir fry, was unexpectedly my favorite.  When I opened the package of lamb liver I did not know the heart was hiding beneath it.  At first I was going to throw it to the dogs but decided to experiment instead.  It was so tender!  We cooked this on an evening when the boys were away so us girls got to enjoy it all to ourselves and Maryanna now says lamb heart is one of her favorite foods.  She also said, "maybe it was so good because we loved the lamb so much and he loved us".  

Recently the temperature has been warming up so we opt to stay outdoors instead of cooking. The girls on the other hand join for their own club.  They are perfecting the recipes from the Mudpie cookbook they got for Christmas.  

And I have to admit it looks tempting, one of these days I'm going to dig in with may hands and join them.

Homeschool News

What I love most about homeschool is the opportunity for spontaneous learning.  Paul was recently sent a rack of Dreamland ribs packed in dry ice.  Before we could even enjoy the ribs the kids begged to experiment with the dry ice, so we did.  James is the science guy around here so I let him lead the demonstration and discussion on frozen carbon dioxide, I even let him clean up the mess.  It is always fun to have an activity that engages everyone. 

On another afternoon I took a few kids to a gem show and they enjoyed soap stone carving demonstrations, talking to vendors about how stones are polished, painting their own fossil like creation a piece of slate and cracking open a geo.  They came home with their very own rock collection.

We also recently discovered diy.org and have been hooked to making all sorts of creative (and messy) projects.  I love the way it integrates right into our homeschool process, this site has supported my trust in child lead learning.  The children select a project, I provide the materials and they are responsible for both the completion and recording of it.  In the end they are rewarded with a virtual badge and are able to share and connect with other children working on similar projects.  

And the reality of our homeschool is we are still struggling in many areas.  The younger half are on the opposite extreme as the older boys, they are still struggling with basics.  I've tried drilling them but honestly that is no fun for any of us.  Instead I've created a visual reminder, just like our alphabet board, the number banner is in constant view and if they flip one or get one mixed up I simply tell them to check the banner and see if they are able to correct the mistake on their own.

My craft and sewing projects are limited to what is needed most and happy that I was able to squeeze the time in to cut out the freezer paper stencils for this project.  It is proving to be very helpful.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend my days surrounded by my children.  It is not easy, I'm not sure the responsibility of it meets my capacity, it stretches me, and perhaps that is the most valuable lesson for my children to learn, how to grow into their fullest selves.  The truth is, they will pick up on the things they see me holding, it doesn't require too much planning, it just happens.

Farm News

There are stories to be told but little time to give life to them now. Instead I offer just the news without any attempt to bring you to the level of laughter and tears as it all really happened.

We recently borrowed a ram.  It has been on our "to do" list for several weeks and months but it did not move to the top until my neighbor Beth came over and taught me how to properly prepare a lamb shoulder roast.  We had a memorable feast and the next day Paul made arrangements for the ram to join us. We are hoping it is not too late in the season for breeding to happen.

The kids know to stay out of the pen and pastures but have enjoyed getting to know him through the fence.

In other animal news it is confirmed that Yuleme (one of the goat ladies) is pregnant! We wanted to know for sure before drying her off so we performed a blood test.  It looked easy enough on a youtube video but the reality of drawing blood from an animal was another experience. I almost fainted once but was urged to keep trying. Finally I called a nearby vet to give us a good lesson in it.  Still not sure I will ever grow into that task, I even threatened to leave the entire farm life behind because of it, let's just say I'm glad that experience is behind us.

Now with only one of the does pregnant we are happy to still be getting 2 qts of milk a day from the other doe Arabella.  We are considering staggering their breeding so we will always be in  milk but really this is just a reminder that we really don't know what we are doing.  And the reality of baby goats due to arrive in a couple of weeks will be its own reminder and experience.  But aside from any outcome from these animals, I admit over all the farmyard, these goats have won my heart and maybe that is why the blood draw was too painful for me to perform.

Meanwhile we are all anxiously awaiting the return of sunshine.  We enjoyed one day of it but the reality is right now it feels more like January with fresh snow buzzing around outside our windows and a chill in my finger tips as I type.  So I'll stick with sharing pictures from that one beautiful day.

William's been working with Polar everyday. Except for chasing chickens he is proving to be a good dog.

I am reading more garden books than I ever imagined I would and find myself still questioning.  So the greatest lesson I am learning is the need to simply put the books down and turn to experience as my teacher.  That is not an easy thing for me because I'm really good at mistakes and even better at beating myself up after the mistakes.  

May these trees, the plants, this land, the animals and even my children be understanding and forgiving of my inexperience.  May I see the perfection in the imperfection, be unattached to the expected outcome and simply embrace the experience.

That is my way of saying I hold both a longing and terror for this upcoming garden season.

The children on the other hand see it all as joy.  With a chance to dig in the dirt they discovered rows unharvested carrots, they were the colorful ones ranging from yellow, orange and purple.  We tasted them and decided they were more fun to find than to eat so most will be left behind as food for the soil.  

As for "the stories", just know there was a close encounter with both a opossum and a skunk in recent weeks.  I am happy to report that Paul was in town during both these episodes and chuckled his way through them.  So grateful to be sharing this life with someone who holds a cheerful disposition and willingness to do the jobs that no one wants to do.  I also look forward to someday (soon) reading his record of it.  Because "farm news" actually has the power to make us laugh and touch hearts.

Meet Emma

This is Emma, Maryanna's new 29" doll.

We started making her at the beginning of winter after visiting a friend who had a large collection of handmade dolls.  She gave us some fabric and let us borrow a stack of her doll making books from Germany so we could get started on this very special doll.

The time spent at the sewing machine for making this type of doll is minimal, it is mostly a lot of hand sewing and sculpting and I was happy to do that by the fire.

She is stuffed with wool and Maryanna selected a carved stone and placed it in her body for her heart.

The kids all thought it was kind of creepy as she started to come to life.  When it was time to finish her Maryanna gave her some anesthetic so she would not feel the pain of me stitching her eyes and sewing on her hair.

"When she was finished we woke her up and she was refreshed and happy to see the sky".

Maryanna selected the color of her hair and eyes, choosing the most beautiful colors in the box.  Since she is the size of a toddler I simply pulled out some of the girls' old clothes and shoes and they proved to be a perfect fit!  This outfit was one of my favorites, it was made for Clara for Christmas several years ago.

Maryanna says she is so fun to play with because she like a real person and so soft to carry.  They will have many good times and adventures together!

Maryanna says Emma especially loves to ride her horse named "Moonie".   She also likes to play "big sister" to Clara's doll "Rosie".

I have to say the time for sewing is hard to come by these days.  I limit my projects to what is needed most or to what brings the most joy. And this doll has already brought much joy so I am grateful for the dear friend who shared her knowledge and supplies and the cozy days by the fire that allowed for Emma's completion.

Peter's Pinewood Derby

Guest Post by Peter

Last Wednesday was the pinewood derby. The week before I went over to my neighbors house and cut out my car out not knowing I was going to win.  The cut design was very simple because I wanted it to have good aerodynamics.

My dad and I bought some green spray and painted it 5 days before the race. 3 days before the race my mom and I designed a crocodile mouth with teeth and eyes and a windshield nostrils. We also added a license plate and some other details.

The next night we started grinding and polishing the axles. The next day was race day and we did a lot of work. We polished the axles, prepared the wheels and weighed it. Fortunately I noticed some gorilla glue got in the axles and wheels so replaced them.  When we got that problem fixed, we noticed the car turned left so we fixed that problem also.

Before the race we met my grandma and grandpa at Jimmy Johns.  I got an unwhich lettuce wrap it tasted good but I was felling nervous while I ate it.

At the church my car weighed 4.7 ounces so we added on a penny and a nickel which made it about 5.0 or 4.9 ounces, some glue almost got on the wheels. On the first race my nickel flew off so on the second race I almost lost.  Then I glued the nickel back on and I won the Bears group. I got pink silly putty as a reward.

After I lost what I thought was the championship.  Then I was relieved to fine out it was only a double illumination so I had a second chance.  On one round and it was a tie between me and Byron which my dad said had to be down to the last millionth of a second.  It was very close but finally after several runs I won! I got a laser pointer and I also won the award for the buffest car. It was a very memorable night and I won't forget it.  It was worth the hard work.