Breaking Point

Moves are never easy, but this one has been especially hard.  We were working in the high 90's with high humidity and no a/c at either of the houses.  We worked in slow motion drenched in sweat.

When we were nearing our last load over to the new house I was finally ready to carefully hand deliver a box of my favorite serving dishes.  Since we were hand carrying I didn't think they'd need more than a few dish cloths to keep them safe.  As I carefully placed them in a box little George would toddler near and take them out one at a time.  I asked myself, "would I hold it against him his whole life if he broke some of my favorite dishes"?  then moved the box to a safer location until it was ready to go.  I had a feeling something was going to happen so I asked Paul if he could carefully carry it to the front of the van where I could cradle it.  

He picked it up carefully but at the first step down the front porch the box let out the bottom.  My first response was hysterical laughter, then tears.  The tears weren't so much for the loss of the items, I already determined I could live perfectly well without them and without blame for whoever broke them, in fact, in some ways it was nice to lighten the load of "stuff" to carry and care for.  But mostly the tears were a result of both physical and emotional exhaustion.

Among the shards were a set of hand painted pasta bowls my sister Julie gave me for our wedding, when I discovered this I cried again.  I actually used those dishes almost everyday, I even used them to make Julie her favorite Asian noodle soup when she wasn't feeling well.  These tears came from a deeper source and I asked myself some deeper questions about non attachment and living.  

I thought about the Mormon pioneers, those who buried loved ones along the way and even my own ancestors who lost all their possessions in the North Platte river.

This moment on the front steps with my pile of shattered dishes was definitely a moment I will continue to reflect on.  I'm not sure exactly what I learned from it but I did move forward with more presence, gratitude and stillness.  It may have actually been a fixing point.