The Journey to our Arms

I am once again a first time mom - the experience of this birth was as unique as this new welcomed soul.  

I suppose with 9 children I could pretend to be an expert birther, I could even lie and say the more you have the easier it gets.  But that has proved to be far from the truth of my experiences.  With the pregnancy and birth of each child I have reached and retrieved unknown corners of my soul.  And it is the expansion of one's soul that allows greater capacity to love and nurture another.  Perhaps that is why birth is not designed to be easy.  

The journey endured to bring sweet Naomi into this world was certainly not easy.  Even after four weeks I can still feel the rawness of it.

Labor came on fast and hard, I was asleep and dreaming of someone poisoning me when I woke up with the intensity of a contraction that usually happens only in the late stages of labor. They did not stop and knocked the wind out of me so hard that when I called my midwife I was barely able to speak.  She sped on over thinking birth may happen before her arrival - good thing it didn't. I was relieved to see her and delighted that this may finally be happening. I breathed and danced through the worst of it then out of no where the labor slowed and I felt the familiar bump of a bum move back up into my ribs.  I can't say how frustrating this was but with vitals all good I decided the wisest course was to take a break and sleep.

The pattern of intense and irregular labor soon woke me and from there it was a blur of breathing, moving, hopping in and out of the tub, walking the hay field, crying and being fed, rubbed and nurtured by Paul and a rotation of three experienced women.

The photo above captured me by the fire on the second night with my friend Shelley rubbing my feet.  The midwives were close and attentive, they kept me hydrated and reassured me with positive fetal heart tones.  So we continued through to the following morning.  I was exhausted and frustrated, I did everything in my power to invite and assist a natural delivery but the feeling soon came that it was time to change course.  The midwives joined Paul and I in prayer as we sought direction, all of us felt peace around the decision to transfer to the hospital.  I knew in my heart that this baby needed to be delivered via c-section, I did not choose this but simply trusted in it. 

Our arrival at the hospital was emotional for me, I was still experiencing all the discomforts of labor but was more over whelmed by the feeling of peace and support surrounding me.  Paul and my midwife were by my side and as I was wheeled through long hallways and spacious corridors I felt the warmth, presence and reassurance of unseen angels also at my side.  I needed all of it.

I wish I could say the care in the hospital was as kind and nurturing as I had so far been treated with.  The truth is I was bullied, it is no honor to arrive on the labor and delivery floor as a home birth transfer with baby number 9.  It took a lot of energy for me to command the respect I deserved - it was here that I surprised myself with unknown strength.

I came to the hospital for a safe delivery for both myself and the baby.  I am grateful that that was the outcome.  What a joy it was to hear a cry and meet her eyes- another daughter! 9 lbs. 2 oz.  I wondered if being numb and strapped to the operating table would alter our first moments but that first gaze into her eyes had the feeling of greeting an old friend.  

Paul called home with news of a sister and the reaction was priceless - recorded on video was exuberant cheering, dancing and crying from Maryanna and Clara.  The boys were happy too, just not to the point of tears like their parents and sisters.  Here is Paul's account.

The road to recovery has been much harder this time around.  I feel so blessed that way back in October my sister Emily offered to come and help out sometime after the baby.  We arranged the ticket months ago and as it turns out her arrival was the very day we headed to the hospital.  She was there right when we needed help the most and stayed for 10 days rocking Naomi in the middle of the night and helping Paul feed and care for the others by day. She was as nurturing as a second mom to both me and my children.  We've been well supported by many others along the way as well, especially our children who have stepped up to greater responsibility.

The greatest blessing of all of course is the joy of welcoming a new member of our family.  She brought with her a calmness that is easing my recovery.  Her first smiles were within the first week of life and have been constant in cheering me through the weeks since.   I'm not sure when I'll make it back to full or even half speed again, but in the meantime cherishing every moment I get to feed, rock, rest and snuggle with this warm bundle of joy.