No More Excuses

I'm all geared up to shed some baby weight and work off some of the exhaustion that comes with caring for young children. 

With Paul working from home I was able to put the baby down for a nap, leave the older 4 with a few home school assignments and strap the two toddlers in for an 8 mile maiden voyage with my new bike and trailer.

We made it down effortlessly to the Huron River and enjoyed the quiet trail and bridges over the river.  The way back was not as fun mainly because it was all up hill but also because I had a two year old kicking, screaming and thrashing back in the trailer (that had to have added more resistance).

Just as I was huffing up the slight incline towards home I heard squealing and screaming coming out from our windows and down the street, the sound was familiar enough for me to know I had to pedal quickly.  Helmet still on I find all four kids (even Maryanna) piled on top of each other wrestling, the house was a mess and no assignments were completed.

I'm still glad I got the workout in and might even plan another one tomorrow....  but next time leave the two year old to nap in his crib and bring my 4 year old in his place (though heavier she may be easier to tow).  I'll also tell Paul to open the door to his office and be sure to check on everyone when the house starts sounding like a "home zoo" and not a home school.

It feels great to be back on the road to fitness!

"Years of Wonder" lecture

For our date night this weekend Paul took me to a free lecture at the Waldorf school .   The guest speaker was Sharifa Oppenheimer and although I've never read her book or even heard of her before I left with pages of notes and practical tips that I was ready to implement immediately.  This message was just thing I needed after weeks and even months of struggling to get our family routine or "rhythm" back to normal. 

The legs of the star are what holds the family up.  Beginning with family rhythms (daily/weekly routines, yearly festivals) I learned that the most important part of the day is bedtime.  I've been doing it all wrong!  I was putting so much energy into the morning routine that by the time bedtime came around I was burned out and would let it go telling myself "tomorrow we'll try again".  The problem with that was overtired kids and waking up to a really messy house.  

Sharifa suggested that bedtime is the beginning and bedtime determines the morning.  It is worth the effort to get children to sleep and even advised that for children to be well behaved, happy and focused they should be sleeping 12 hrs.  A good night's sleep is sure to alleviate many discipline problems.  

In order for children to get to sleep it is important to be consistent in the routine.  We are still working on our ideal routine, we experimented tonight with warm milk and honey served to the younger ones as we read scriptures but that proved to be a bad idea.  It was messy and distracting.  

Resistance hit us soon after as we marched them upstairs but we were firm and kind repeating Sharifa's phrase "this is the way we do it" in a tone that one might say "please pass the butter".  We had 6 in bed by 8:30 with 3 of them sleeping.  That may not sound impressive to most families but to us that is encouraging progress.

Included under daily routines were meals.  We actually heard a lot about that this last General Conference and we do a pretty good at sitting all together.  What we could improve on however is fine tuning teaching table manners and having better, more engaging conversations.        

We certainly would add family scripture study and family prayer to our daily routine and family home evening and church attendance to  weekly routines.

Yearly festivals are the fun traditions around seasons, holidays and birthdays.  Sharifa suggested that these traditions and routines help a young child understand sequencing and make them feel very secure.  Traditions can grow and layers added to each one as children grow, when they are young the traditions don't have to be so complicated.

Interjected in the middle of my notes in all caps I found the following:

IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO MAKE A FAMILY FUNCTION

I can't remember if she said it or if it was my own response to what was presented so far.

Moving onto the next leg "family work & play" it is important to have both.  When everyone is pitching in there is time for both.  If resistance to work occurs we are to offer such phrases as "We need you"!  "We are a family" "What would we do without you".  I certainly threw a few of those around today and coupled with a hug it actually worked - even better than raising my voice.

There wasn't much said about the arms of the star, child's play and child's artistic expression, I believe those were for the weekend conference which I wish I would have planned to attend.  She did mention however how important "free play" is.  I often hear this but it is always a good reminder.  I was especially encouraged when I heard that freedom in play actually helps children develop leadership skills such as courage, creativity, self regulation and problem solving.  It is nice to sit back guilt free.

Now for the main focus of her lecture.... discipline.  The secret is when all other arms are in balance there is little need for discipline.  When the discipline moment arises the most important thing is to keep a "cool head" and not get too emotional (not very easy when a child dumps a cup of milk on you while you are nursing a baby and you've only got a few minutes until you've got to get out the door).  When we react with anger children get the wrong message and we are unable to teach what is needed at that moment.  We can say things (again in the same tone as "please pass the butter") like "I'm your helper", "I am teaching you things that will benefit you throughout your life" or "that is not the way we do it in our family".

Another tip was not to over use "No" but instead answer with "not in this way" or "not in this place".

It is important to study our children (also heard that one recently at General Conference), doing so will help us make changes in our rhythms to help restore balance.

It is also important to study ourselves as we may be the cause of imbalance in our families.  In every circumstance we must shed warmth and cheer, even in chaos.

Finally we were reminded that families help us be our best selves.  Again, I have heard that from several sources and I know that is true and makes all the work that I wrote so boldly in caps earlier worth it.

I certainly enjoyed the message we heard.  It was consistent with my other favorite sources for parenting advice including Elder Gene R. Cook's book Raising a Family Up Unto the Lord, the Moore's Home Grown Kids , the Eyre's Teaching Your Children Values , Merrilee Boyack's The Parenting Breakthrough , the DeMille's Core and Love of Learning: a Recipe for Success , Nicholeen Peck's Teaching Self Government , and Marie Rick's Teaching Children to Work .  Looks like now I should add Sharifa's Our Heaven on Earth .

And for those who actually made it to the bottom of my notes I'll treat you with a bit of my superficial side.  The last thing I got from the lecture was you don't have to color or dye your hair even when you start to gray (just found a few and was tempted to go back to highlights).  Sharifa had beautiful wavy white hair and the rest of the Waldorf attendees (at least the ones sitting in front of me) were on their way to gray but wore it with the least bit of self consciousness.  That inspired me.

Of course, they were selling books and all sorts of other materials outside the lecture area.  I'm normally a sucker for these things.  But Paul read my mind and had obviously listened and learned well from Sharifa.  In an impeccable "please pass the butter" voice he said "you know Sweetheart, I think that would be a wonderful idea.....and I'm not saying you can't buy it....but just not at this time".

It's good to have that guy on my team.
      

Spring Paintings

Twice a year I give the kids a blank canvas on which they carefully plan and paint.  The process takes about three days first with a pencil sketch, then two days to paint.  I encourage them to take their time and enjoy the process.

My favorite part is listening to them talk and watching them standing back to admire and assess their work.

It makes me happy to have my home decorated with their work and I think it makes them happy too.

Maryanna says her painting is of two girls doing a rollie pollie dance in a garden.

Clara says her painting is of two girls chewing bubble gum and smelling flowers.  They also like to pet cats and dogs but they were in the house.

Peter's is about The Transcontinental Railroad.

Henry says "green, blue, red" then "hands" because his hands got messy from the paint.

William's painting was inspired by a Playmobil helicopter flying over a landscape.

James says his is not finished but it is of Lehi's dream.

Sweater experiment

Finally got to sewing something!  Above is a before picture of a salvation army sweater.

Below is the after - a cozy romper embellished with antique brass snaps.  I found the cotton rib knit to be less forgiving than the wool sweaters I've worked with before.  Because of that the final product was much baggier than I anticipated.  Still it is worth wearing for a little boy baby who has nothing better to wear than worn out stained hand me downs.

I was also very flattered when a friend asked if it was from a boutique - I suppose salvation army is my kind of boutique.

Back at me

Since I never got to this year's Easter dresses I pulled out a few my sisters saved for me from my wedding. 

For the weeks leading up to my wedding I worked on them learning the art of french heirloom sewing and hand embroidery.  I took a week long course in Alabama with Martha Pullen to get me started and was grateful to my friend Diane who helped me finish them just in time.

There were so many hours involved that it actually qualified me for the last 1 credit needed to finish my clothing and textile degree at BYU.  I was especially happy to have been able to stay in Michigan and complete most of those hours in the company of my sister Julie who was going through chemotherapy at the time.  I toted those dresses everywhere with me and even the nurses on the pediatric floor began following my progress.

I think I did enough handwork for a lifetime because sadly I have not had the urge to pick up an embroidery needle since (except for the felt fruit and my last Easter flop ).  Maybe I've lost the patience and attention it requires to actually make it look good, maybe I just haven't had the time.  Either way I'm glad I have these two dresses to save.

They've held up great considering it has been over 11 years!  I used swiss nelona batiste and hand dyed cotton laces that are of such great quality that I'm hoping these dresses will pass to future grandchildren.  

The girls are wearing them with the puffy slips I made last year and it is especially fun to see how much they resemble their older cousins when they were 3 and 4.   

Worn out

It has been almost three weeks that we have been battling a nasty virus in our home.  It slowly made it's way down through each of the younger children.

My days have been full of caring for (and carrying) the younger ones, my nights have been full of suctioning noses and hot running showers and my bed has just been full, full of both kids, their blankies, stuffed animals and used tissues.

My big baby and little baby have been taking turns in the sling.  Pictured above is Henry after a particularly rough day.  Still wrapped in the sling I sat him on the floor while I fried up some rice and then found him fast asleep beneath my feet just minutes later.

Feeling compeltly exhausted and worn out I have repeatedly drawn on the recent messages from conference.  Here is my favorite from Sister Beck :

When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed. For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children. Being in the right places allows us to receive guidance. It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks. Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times. 

Some of the words that jumped out to me included diminish distractions (blogging?sewing?facebook?), difficult days (sick kids, overtired mom), essential routine tasks (piles of laundry?piles of dishes?piles of paperwork?) then the words that brought tears to my eyes were renewable source of strength and bathed in help.

This week is going by quickly, I can't really recall how we've spent our days.  I feel bad that the beautiful Easter dresses I designed (along with a long list of other sewing projects) are yet to be cut out, the laundry (both clean and dirty) is piled high, meals have been mediocre, and my hair has not been blown out for days!  But - I have not lost my temper all week and though worn out there has been a definite increase of peace and love in our home so I can't say these worn out days were wasted.

Booby Traps

A few of the boys have been carefully planning for April Fool's Day.  Here are their plans and how they work - and yes they worked!

I'm still trying to come up with a plan to get them before the evening is through.