A Piece of the Peace

Contention levels have been on the rise recently.  Maybe it's being cooped up in close quarters for the winter or maybe it is just our humanness.  In most cases it is the boys vs. the girls (even mommy and daddy having at it at times), sometimes it is as innocent as an inconsolable baby at dinner-making-time that robs us of our peace,  or something as silly as one person merely looking at another that sparks rage.

Just like a "good mom" I intervene.  But honestly, I often get drawn in with my own emotions and in those cases the the tension only escalates.  

Yelling at child to say they're sorry or to be nice to another sibling is kind of like forcing a child to smile, sure they can physically move their muscles but there is no smile when there is no emotion behind it.  Just like William in our Christmas card photo below - after 20 some tries he just did not have it in him, he was done with the photo shoot and you can see it clearly on his face.  Just so, there is no real resolution between two parties unless heart is involved.  For that reason I decided sometimes it was better to back off a little and then realized it was better for a child not to say "I'm sorry" unless they really felt it.  And in the end when they finally felt it, sometimes taking hours to surface, I discovered the feelings to be tearfully sincere (even in older boys).

Backing off and observing (even just observing myself) is powerful.  It is the catalyst to change because then we can recognize what it is we need to change.  In our case at this time we recognized the need for greater unity, for working as a whole.  That just as there is not one person at fault for all the contention, there is not one person capable of holding all the peace.  We each are a piece of the peace.  

We assembled our picture puzzle, read some scriptures on peace and discussed how it related to similar themes and interests in their lives.  

Often as we thumb through world news the children throw out their "why"s relating to the confusion of war and hostility.  On this family home evening I threw the "why"'s back at them....."why do we have to be at war amongst ourselves"? and then asked  "how can we ever expect or hope for world peace unless we can first find in our home"?   

We also gave examples from the football field and explained how teams are designed to work together.  One powerful comparison for the boys was: "criticizing your sister's singing is just like knocking down your own teammate just yards from a touchdown".  That was an "ah-ha" moment.  We huddled together as a team and ended up in a giant group hug (except for George who took that as an unsupervised opportunity to quickly crawl away and make a noisy mess).

Is our family now perfect?  No way! just tonight there was an episode of someone throwing a few cantaloupe rinds across the kitchen.  But we are taking this "season" of discomfort and contention as an opportunity for growth and learning.  

So I have since found it within myself to respond as peacefully as I can to quarrelling.  Instead of frantically yelling out "stop fighting" or  "why isn't anyone listening to me"! I can calmly say "be a peace maker", or "please be a piece of the peace".  When I feel my blood start to boil just whispering "peace" to myself has been effective.

We saw success on Sunday.  We got home from church late in the afternoon during a time when Henry is usually napping.  He fell asleep on the short ride home and was so mad to be woken up and unbuckled by not his mother but his brother.  He kicked and screamed all over the front hall with his down puffy coat still buttoned.  He was so mad at me for not getting him out myself that I was unable to console him.  Paul joked out, "quick we need some peace"!  Peter's fast little legs came trotting to the rescue with a sippy cup of milk and a funny little Thomas the Tank Engine tune to his lips, Henry was soon contented and Peter was praised as a peace maker.  

I may not be able to change the world but I can certainly change my heart, and any heart at peace is an important piece to the peace.  That is the lesson I wish to instill and practice in our home.  It is my hope not just to be a patriot of peace myself but raise a houseful of them along side me - for now, that is my contribution to world peace.